The Psychology Behind Bullying
October is Anti-bullying Month. Bullying doesn’t get as much attention as it needs. It’s a situation that lurks in the shadows and gets swept under the rug. When a person experiences bullying, it usually affects them deeply, for many years after the fact. It can change their life decisions and lead to dangerous situations. Bullying is such an uncomfortable subject to broach, that it continues to live quite happily in the shadows.
What is Bullying?
The dictionary definition of bullying is “seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).” But there’s a lot more to it than that. Often, a person not only has to be vulnerable but also remarkably different to others. Many times, that difference is what leads to the vulnerability. Until a person has had a chance to work through the emotions that come along with this, it is difficult to understand that, being different and being capable of being vulnerable is a blessing in disguise (even though it doesn’t feel that way at first). That's the Twisted thing about bullying, because being different is rare, and beautiful, and something you can't fake. That's not to say that everybody who is different is bullied, we are all individuals. It’s to say that those who have the magic combination of being involuntarily different and vulnerable earn one of life’s most precious gifts–freedom to zig while others zag. Not having the choice is where the human spirit thrives (no matter how long you’re on this earth) . If your only option is to challenge the challenge, then your only option is to live in the moment. It takes strength to be odd. It takes work to be comfortable with being different.
Bullying and Disabilities
When someone is born with a disability they're also born into this world with differences and incredible hurdles. A person born different is rare and beautiful, like a precious stone. Unfortunately, society often does not treat people with disabilities as they should be treated. Same with the elderly.
You have to have a disability to understand how it feels. Fear breeds prejudice. Fear of the unknown takes power away from people, and challenging fear makes people feel vulnerable. So, it’s easier to put up a front, exclude others, bully, sweep everything under the rug, and not have to feel. Feeling vulnerable is a brave thing to do. Seeking knowledge is a brave thing to do. So, people who have been bullied and excluded actually have a lot to teach those who haven’t.
The Effects of Bullying
According to the CDC, 1 in 5 children in the US acquire serious mental health concerns associated with trauma, social isolation, and bullying, but only 20% of them receive the help they need. Bullying hides people’s power from them, lowers self-esteem, and many times leads them to believe that it’s their fault that they’re being bullied. As well as that, it’s a taboo subject.
Some don't even make it to full-blown adulthood due to suicide. More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, combined. It is, in fact, the world’s second leading cause of death for any age. 4 out of 5 adolescents who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs. There are an average of 3,703 attempts by young people grades 9-12, every single day. Since 2008, the attempts made by adolescents have doubled in the US. More awareness can lower these numbers.
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
The Psychology Behind Bullying
There’s a saying, about bullying and abuse, that goes “the hurt, hurt.” That is the case with many bullies. At their core, most bullies have become that way because they feel out of control of their emotions, destiny, living situation, social skills, and in general. Some have been abused at home, and so they have been left feeling powerless. It may not be that they've been physically or verbally abused, it may even be quite the opposite in that they’ve been neglected. Bullying then becomes a protective mechanism that also helps the bully to feel superior, whole, and less vulnerable. If you’re being bullied, the important thing to know is that their pain does not give a person the right to push your boundaries.
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, Learning Disabilities Awareness Month, NDEAM National Disability Employment Awareness Month, and Anti-Bullying Month. The last one affects all of the others, and it affects absolutely everyone in some way or another. Bullying in itself is like a pandemic.
We the people are a unit, we should be looking out for each other and seeking to understand. So, this Anti-Bullying Month, let’s start some new conversations and actions to take the power away from the act of bullying and put it back into the hands of the people.